her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
