We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
