somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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