my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
