Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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