This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
