mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
