You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
