Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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