Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
