mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Randomize
