I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
