if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
don't judge my taste in strippers
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
