We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
