Got a toothbrush?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
