it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
