I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
