so explain again why im purple
no
she looked like the before picture.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
