Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
