she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
