I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
