my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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