if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
