Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
