Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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