the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
