my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
