Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
