Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
