...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
