Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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