Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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