I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
