so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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