You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
