apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
