Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
