Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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