I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
