Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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