I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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