I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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