haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
