She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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