I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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