she was so not down for the gang bang
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It's blow job season.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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