my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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