Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
