you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
