Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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